Food has always been a comfort for me. Whew, that was hard to write. I do believe its stems from being a “sensitive” or empath. I find it as a shield or a guard for the emotions I feel. Anyway, I have always struggled with eating. Food is there for me when I’m upset, bored, need comfort or stressed. When I was younger, I would throw up food. It wasn’t a daily thing but if I felt like I over did it, I would.
I noticed in my early childhood that my father would point out that I didn’t need another donut, cookie, etc. Or he would say, you don’t want that bag of chips. This created a horrible mental relationship with food. It helped to create a poor body image within myself. I was never really taught to have a healthy relationship with food. He would point out things like, oh..your face is getting thin again or your losing weight. Which he still does to this day even though I have told him not to. To be judged all the time on the appearance of your body, its torture. When I gave birth to my first child, I was the heaviest I had ever been. I weighed in at 220 and have never in my life gone over that number. The past few years, I’ve bounced between 135 to 150. I am now currently at the heaviest I have been at in years, 158. I’ve had some major life changes this year so I let my eating control me and get the best of me and now…I’m taking responsibility.
My health has not been up to par. I have hair loss, dry and itchy skin, constant digestive issues. I crave sugar and junk food. I do believe I have parasites. Most people have them and do not even know it. I started to fast today. I will only drink water. This is going to be extremely hard for me as I think its more of an emotional thing for me. I’m not sure how long I will do this but I do know I need to do this. My body needs this. I will write again tomorrow to let you know how I did. Thanks for reading.