Emotional eating & fasting & parasites?!

Food has always been a comfort for me. Whew, that was hard to write. I do believe its stems from being a “sensitive” or empath. I find it as a shield or a guard for the emotions I feel. Anyway, I have always struggled with eating. Food is there for me when I’m upset, bored, need comfort or stressed. When I was younger, I would throw up food. It wasn’t a daily thing but if I felt like I over did it, I would.

I noticed in my early childhood that my father would point out that I didn’t need another donut, cookie, etc. Or he would say, you don’t want that bag of chips. This created a horrible mental relationship with food. It helped to create a poor body image within myself. I was never really taught to have a healthy relationship with food. He would point out things like, oh..your face is getting thin again or your losing weight. Which he still does to this day even though I have told him not to. To be judged all the time on the appearance of your body, its torture. When I gave birth to my first child, I was the heaviest I had ever been. I weighed in at 220 and have never in my life gone over that number. The past few years, I’ve bounced between 135 to 150. I am now currently at the heaviest I have been at in years, 158. I’ve had some major life changes this year so I let my eating control me and get the best of me and now…I’m taking responsibility.

My health has not been up to par. I have hair loss, dry and itchy skin, constant digestive issues. I crave sugar and junk food. I do believe I have parasites. Most people have them and do not even know it. I started to fast today. I will only drink water. This is going to be extremely hard for me as I think its more of an emotional thing for me. I’m not sure how long I will do this but I do know I need to do this. My body needs this. I will write again tomorrow to let you know how I did. Thanks for reading.

Why people continually let us down

Why do we let people continually let us down over and over again? Especially if their behavior has always remained consistent with their actions. We hope people will change. We hope people will give a damn. We always hope to see the best in someone only to hurt ourselves in the end.

It hurts my soul that I can not connect to my father as much as I would like to. We have had a very difficult relationship for as long as I can remember, yet, I continually get let down over and over again. Why do I do this to myself? I know it is not me. I know he has his issues and I’ve never felt close to him.

I am far from perfect and have been trying to work on my wounds this year. Healing and releasing this wound has not been easy and I struggle with it daily. Maybe certain people are not meant to be in your daily life or maybe we can just love them from afar. Whatever is meant to be, I’m struggling.

xo

Spirit

As Empaths, we “feel” more then any other ability out there. A little background-the past few months have been a little tough on all of us as we are relocating from the east coast to the southwest.

My son, 13 1/2, is taking it pretty hard (leaving his friends, changing schools) and has been wanting to sleep in my room with me. I’ve been allowing it as I believe to nuture and protect as much as possible, classic Cancer, lol. Both of my sons are sensitive also. Lately, my eldest has been having more nightmares which is another reason he is wanting to feel protected and asks to sleep in my room.

Anyway, last night. Both of my kiddos in my room (hubby has midnight shift work and not home), made it extremely hard for me to fall asleep. Tons of energy swirling around. Fell asleep around midnight only to wake up at 3:30. Tossed and turned for over an hour. Finally gave up and took my stuff to sleep in my oldest’s room as I feared I kept stirring the kids by tossing and turning. Took a sleeping pill and fell asleep in about a 1/2 hour. So I am asleep in my sons room (who has been having the nightmares) and hear a whisper in my ear (which sounds exactly like an Amazon Alexa). “You have a spirit in your room” and then waking up from sleeping on my right side I felt like something was pushing me down, holding me in place. I screamed “NO” and “GET OFF ME” and managed to run out of “C’s” room and back into my room. I’m not a fan of things messing with me while I sleep. Needless to say, I saged my whole home and set my boundaries yet again. Spirit is not allowed to bother me while I sleep. I want to see spirit & hear spirit but when spirit touches me its kinda freaky, although, that is an empaths first ability. I am trying to learn how to not be scared of spirit but I don’t like things bothering me in the middle of the night at the witching hour, ya know?

* Side note- I do not believe it was astral travel. Especially since I heard a voice.

Anywho- Do you see, hear, feel spirit? Would love to hear other stories. Have a great day and thanks for reading!! xo

Your “roots”

Lets talk on family for a bit. A little on how you were raised. I am thinking this is sort of a pattern for us empaths.

I grew up in a suburban home with my sister, both my parents and always a fuzzy (dog) friend. My dad worked, a lot. He was on shift work and would be sleeping at different hours all the time. My mom, stayed at home with my sister and I until we became more functional and she went back to work when we were teens.

My dad and I have always butt heads. We are both Cancers, although, he never seemed to get the emotional side of the crabby crab, just the moodiness. Some days you never knew what you would get. For my sister and I, sometimes we had to walk on egg shells. My dad hated his job and it was probably because he had to work constantly. He had a family to support so I know he felt that pressure. He was not around a lot but for me, I felt like we never really got to have have a connection. Do I love my father? Absolutely. He has helped me out in so many ways and I am so grateful. Did he ever take interest in me? Not so much and its ok, it was how he was raised as well. My grandparents, his parents, who are now deceased, never took a big role in my life or my sisters. When my sister was born they moved away. We didn’t see them much. As I got older and had my first child, that is when my grandmother took more of an interest in me. When I asked her about this, she told me it was because we didn’t have much in common. That hurt but I have since forgave but hard to forget.

My mom, a quiet Gemini, lost her whole family when I was young. Her mom, who was first battled with Alzheimer’s. This was very hard on my mom. Her brother, shortly after, who suffered years of issues with diabetes passed away. Finally, her father, although I am not certain, I believe he had cancer. He had moved into our home very briefly when he was ill. This all happen in maybe a 3 year span. I can’t imagine how hard this was on my mom. She didn’t cope well. She kept herself busy with housework never giving us any inkling that she was sad. Never did she talk about her feelings or emotions she was going through. She never led us to believe she was hurting. I was around 8 and my sister 10.

Both my parents, who I love dearly, never talked feelings, emotions, life situations. Did it teach me to be strong and handle whatever comes my way? You would think it did but absolutely did not. I wonder if I am extra sensitive and extra emotional because of it. Did god put me with these two people to teach them how to be more in touch with emotions and feeling? Perhaps but at almost 40 years old thing are still the same.

I had mentioned in another entry that we are transferring to another location. My parents, who currently live a mile away, have not been the best support. Both of them really have not talked about it. I finally broke down to my mom the other day to let her know I feel emotionally unsupported. They have not asked how I am doing with this all or have asked very little detail on the big change that will be coming. Instead, they pretend everything is ok, to put on a happy face and just not talk about it. My mom, who of course is so very upset that we are leaving, is very unhappy about it. She doesn’t know how to process this or handle this. What she knows is, pretend its ok and not talk about it. I hope after our talk, she will be more open with me. I don’t want to feel alone in this. I need to feel the emotional support from my family. My sister has been somewhat supportive but is equally unhappy.

My question is….Empaths, did you grow up in a similar household? Did you have emotional support surrounding you?

Thanks for reading the rambles. Much love. xo

Hotel Galvez

What a cool hotel. Hotel Galvez is located on Galveston Island in Texas. This building is amazingly beautiful but it is very haunted. My family went and stayed there for two nights. One of the ghost stories you will hear is of a woman who hung herself after she thought her fiance was lost at sea. Unfortunately, he was not and came back a few days after her tragedy. The room, 501, numerous sightings have been documented of seeing her apparition. We did not stay in this room but thought I would share a little background of the building.

My experience, as an empath, was definitely interesting, to say the least. Pulling up to this building you can just feel the energy. Once you walk in it almost hits you like a rock. So much energy in the building. It was just a lot to take in. Then, I really felt it. I became dizzy, lightheaded, weak in the knees and started to get a stomach ache almost immediately. Spirits are attracted to sensitive beings. I had a spirit attach to me but I didn’t know it just yet. Since I am still learning my abilities, I figured to go outside, get barefoot and walk in the grass. I need to get grounded. I took a walk in the grass and it did nothing. The hotel is right by the ocean so I figured I would try the sand next. Again, nothing and still feeling like shit. My husband getting a bit frustrated with me at this point, I asked him to just take the kids and go hit the boardwalk. I sent a message to my teacher. She says I have a spirit attached and to wipe around my head, get really mad and yell for it to get off me. After dealing with all these symptoms for over an hour, I listened to my teacher and within 10-15 mins, I was finally me again. It was pretty amazing. I wanted to have a experience while at this hotel and boy, did I get it. For the rest of the trip I was fine. I set my boundaries and demanded that no one else is to attach to me.

Thanks for reading. xo

2019

What a year so far. This year for a lot of people has been absolutely crazy. It seems like 2019 is the year that we are all challenged in some way or another or almost forced to deal with our shit. Alright…you have been comfortable for awhile now. God says, time to shake things up and it is ok.

If you believe in a higher self, god, or whoever it is, we are always faced with challenges. We are given these so our souls can learn and grow from the lesson behind it. Some may have it worse then others and typically it is because he or she did not learn the lesson or meaning behind it.  Although I will say, this does not apply to everything.

My family, typical suburban family on the east coast, went through hell a few weeks ago. My husbands work had some major issues and now we must relocate because he is getting laid off.  I’ve been in the same area my whole life! I’ve never left this state and only spent one year in another city in the same state. We have roots, my parents, my sister and my nieces, who are actually 40 mins away), a few friends. Both my sons have friends here and don’t really want to go. My home. My life is here and it’s scary as hell to uproot and start over somewhere new.

Ok, god. What’s the lesson behind all this? Why is this happening to us? The lesson is simple, we are human beings, we are always changing. We must get out of our comfort zone sometimes so we can grow. Things are not always going to be peachy-keen. Things will get really tough sometimes but it is done for our highest good. It is done so we can learn and grow. For the past few years, I have been feeling like I have been growing apart a bit from my mom, which literally tears me up. Now, I am certain this is why. Before I couldn’t even fathom this idea, leaving my mom. The idea always scared me before. I love my mom very much but without feeling a bit of a separation these past few years, this move would swallow me whole.

What’s the lesson behind this? God is teaching me to be more independent and not having to depend on people to always be there because they won’t. I am still terrified to lose my parents some day which could be another reason.  Bottom line, without loss, we will remain unchanged. Change happens constantly. We need change to grow and evolve.

Thanks for reading. Xo

Your secret isn’t mine to hold onto anymore…

You know when you find out someone else’s secret but you feel so incredibly helpless to know that persons secret, so you just keep it to yourself? Does that hit home for anyone else or is it just me? I’ve kept this burden for years. It has caused me a great deal of stress.

Welp, I just released this pain today. I told this person that I know of the secret and it caused me guilt in knowing and stress. Empaths need emotional freedom. We tire easily from other peoples shit! Why do we do that to ourselves? We are not a doormat. Yes we love hard and occasionally feel like a punching bag but it is important to release all emotional baggage, especially if you have been holding on to it for so long. Will I feel better now that I told this person? I hope so. I still feel guilty but maybe because I held onto it for so long and just did not want to cause heartache. I am a peace keeper. I hate confrontation. I hate seeing pain in others and only want to promote happiness. I need to realize that this is not always going to happen. We need to step out of our comfort zones in order to grow. Sometimes, as much as it hurts, we have to cause a little rain so the flowers may grow.

Thanks for reading. xo