Waking up to awareness

Y’all….I’m a Texan now so I can say that! Hahah. It’s been awhile since I’ve written. If you have followed my others posts we straight up moved from Delaware to Texas and I love it here! Something about southern hospitality and people helping people. It’s so different here then the east coast.

How many of you have had a “wtf” year?? It’s been a heck of a ride this year. So many of you are waking up to being “sensitive” or simply put, an empath.

Why is this happening? Why have you always felt alone or depressed? Simply put…we are here to change the world. I believe things are changing but we as a whole need to step up and embrace it. I really should rename my blog, Messy Empath. Half the time, I don’t know what the heck is happening, who I’m picking up or what the frig this ache or pain is related to. Could it be me or the guy I’m next to. How do you tell? Do you blame on others or own up to your aches/pains. Saging, or using sage oil, walking bare foot in the grass or simply put as “grounding” is the quickest way to figure that out. Also- journaling or blogging is a great start.

Going to crowded areas- my eyes water like crazy. Being around stressed out peeps- shoulders ache like something awful. Female energy- I will feel tingles in my left calf. Male energy- right calf. My husband, currently under a whole lot of stress. I can feel his active brain every night while we turn off the lights and go to bed…and I can’t sleep because of it. We joke about it now but even though he will be laying there, quiet, he feels soooo loud and I have a hard time falling asleep because of it. Just a few examples for you. I started writing them down and really paying attention to how I feel. I highly suggest you do the same, pay attention! It will help you have less wtf moments. I also highly suggest the book- Feelings Buried Alive Never Die. OR buy the app for your phone, I think it’s $5. Anyway- There is a section in the book of ailments and what the meaning behind it is. For example- when I feel pain in my shoulders from people, looking up shoulders in the book, the first symptom of shoulder pain is “bearing burdens that don’t belong to you.”

Yes, being sensitive can be a difficult journey but we are here to help others get back in touch with humanity. Change the negative into a positive. Is this an awful gift? Not really. Trying to control it is difficult but picking up on others, being a human lie detector, helping others when you feel the sadness. We are here to change the world. You were picked to help the change and yes, you are a f’n rockstar! Have a blessed day, y’all!! Xo

One chapter closes…

This summer has been incredibly emotional for my family. In June, my husband, who works at a refinery over here on the east coast had a huge fire. A week later, over 700 employees from that company would find out via the internet/news channel that the refinery would be closing. Many hours later after the initial news broke, the company confirmed. I will not name this company but you may have already googled or have heard of this story already. The company had filed bankruptcy recently and if I am speaking honestly, we were worried before it went up in flames (pun intended). His union contract would be up in September and we were already hearing a lot of discussion of what the company wanted to take away from the workers.

Panic mode. Now over 700 people, who would be out of work by the end of August, would be looking for jobs. With a little inside help, my husbands impressive resume and god on our side, he landed a job in Texas. Holy shit. We are moving to Texas! Lemme back up just a bit- I’ve lived on the east coast, Delaware to be exact, my whole 30 something years on this planet. This summer has been the most challenging time of my life thus far. While I have tried to remain optimistic, hopeful, excited about our new adventure, I have been going through some of the darker emotions a little bit more. Guilt. Sadness. Leaving my family behind. My parents who are getting older. My dad recently having some health issues and possibly a bigger issue, which we will find out this week. Wanting to be excited but feeling guilty of the excitement while my family mourns the loss of me being near. My parents, who I love dearly, never a big emotional support system for me. This summer, I have felt more alone, then I will probably ever feel in Texas. One of my biggest fears, losing my parents. I know God’s lesson in all this is for me to feel ok without having my parents & sister near me. That I can be strong on my own. Let me repeat that….that I CAN be strong on my own and that it is ok for me to live & go forward in my own life and not have to worry about everyone else’s needs. I have always put others first. This move will force me to focus on myself for once, which has been long overdue. Thanks for reading and hey!-the next time I write, I may be a Texan. Later y’all ;). Xo

Your “roots”

Lets talk on family for a bit. A little on how you were raised. I am thinking this is sort of a pattern for us empaths.

I grew up in a suburban home with my sister, both my parents and always a fuzzy (dog) friend. My dad worked, a lot. He was on shift work and would be sleeping at different hours all the time. My mom, stayed at home with my sister and I until we became more functional and she went back to work when we were teens.

My dad and I have always butt heads. We are both Cancers, although, he never seemed to get the emotional side of the crabby crab, just the moodiness. Some days you never knew what you would get. For my sister and I, sometimes we had to walk on egg shells. My dad hated his job and it was probably because he had to work constantly. He had a family to support so I know he felt that pressure. He was not around a lot but for me, I felt like we never really got to have have a connection. Do I love my father? Absolutely. He has helped me out in so many ways and I am so grateful. Did he ever take interest in me? Not so much and its ok, it was how he was raised as well. My grandparents, his parents, who are now deceased, never took a big role in my life or my sisters. When my sister was born they moved away. We didn’t see them much. As I got older and had my first child, that is when my grandmother took more of an interest in me. When I asked her about this, she told me it was because we didn’t have much in common. That hurt but I have since forgave but hard to forget.

My mom, a quiet Gemini, lost her whole family when I was young. Her mom, who was first battled with Alzheimer’s. This was very hard on my mom. Her brother, shortly after, who suffered years of issues with diabetes passed away. Finally, her father, although I am not certain, I believe he had cancer. He had moved into our home very briefly when he was ill. This all happen in maybe a 3 year span. I can’t imagine how hard this was on my mom. She didn’t cope well. She kept herself busy with housework never giving us any inkling that she was sad. Never did she talk about her feelings or emotions she was going through. She never led us to believe she was hurting. I was around 8 and my sister 10.

Both my parents, who I love dearly, never talked feelings, emotions, life situations. Did it teach me to be strong and handle whatever comes my way? You would think it did but absolutely did not. I wonder if I am extra sensitive and extra emotional because of it. Did god put me with these two people to teach them how to be more in touch with emotions and feeling? Perhaps but at almost 40 years old thing are still the same.

I had mentioned in another entry that we are transferring to another location. My parents, who currently live a mile away, have not been the best support. Both of them really have not talked about it. I finally broke down to my mom the other day to let her know I feel emotionally unsupported. They have not asked how I am doing with this all or have asked very little detail on the big change that will be coming. Instead, they pretend everything is ok, to put on a happy face and just not talk about it. My mom, who of course is so very upset that we are leaving, is very unhappy about it. She doesn’t know how to process this or handle this. What she knows is, pretend its ok and not talk about it. I hope after our talk, she will be more open with me. I don’t want to feel alone in this. I need to feel the emotional support from my family. My sister has been somewhat supportive but is equally unhappy.

My question is….Empaths, did you grow up in a similar household? Did you have emotional support surrounding you?

Thanks for reading the rambles. Much love. xo

2019

What a year so far. This year for a lot of people has been absolutely crazy. It seems like 2019 is the year that we are all challenged in some way or another or almost forced to deal with our shit. Alright…you have been comfortable for awhile now. God says, time to shake things up and it is ok.

If you believe in a higher self, god, or whoever it is, we are always faced with challenges. We are given these so our souls can learn and grow from the lesson behind it. Some may have it worse then others and typically it is because he or she did not learn the lesson or meaning behind it.  Although I will say, this does not apply to everything.

My family, typical suburban family on the east coast, went through hell a few weeks ago. My husbands work had some major issues and now we must relocate because he is getting laid off.  I’ve been in the same area my whole life! I’ve never left this state and only spent one year in another city in the same state. We have roots, my parents, my sister and my nieces, who are actually 40 mins away), a few friends. Both my sons have friends here and don’t really want to go. My home. My life is here and it’s scary as hell to uproot and start over somewhere new.

Ok, god. What’s the lesson behind all this? Why is this happening to us? The lesson is simple, we are human beings, we are always changing. We must get out of our comfort zone sometimes so we can grow. Things are not always going to be peachy-keen. Things will get really tough sometimes but it is done for our highest good. It is done so we can learn and grow. For the past few years, I have been feeling like I have been growing apart a bit from my mom, which literally tears me up. Now, I am certain this is why. Before I couldn’t even fathom this idea, leaving my mom. The idea always scared me before. I love my mom very much but without feeling a bit of a separation these past few years, this move would swallow me whole.

What’s the lesson behind this? God is teaching me to be more independent and not having to depend on people to always be there because they won’t. I am still terrified to lose my parents some day which could be another reason.  Bottom line, without loss, we will remain unchanged. Change happens constantly. We need change to grow and evolve.

Thanks for reading. Xo

Your secret isn’t mine to hold onto anymore…

You know when you find out someone else’s secret but you feel so incredibly helpless to know that persons secret, so you just keep it to yourself? Does that hit home for anyone else or is it just me? I’ve kept this burden for years. It has caused me a great deal of stress.

Welp, I just released this pain today. I told this person that I know of the secret and it caused me guilt in knowing and stress. Empaths need emotional freedom. We tire easily from other peoples shit! Why do we do that to ourselves? We are not a doormat. Yes we love hard and occasionally feel like a punching bag but it is important to release all emotional baggage, especially if you have been holding on to it for so long. Will I feel better now that I told this person? I hope so. I still feel guilty but maybe because I held onto it for so long and just did not want to cause heartache. I am a peace keeper. I hate confrontation. I hate seeing pain in others and only want to promote happiness. I need to realize that this is not always going to happen. We need to step out of our comfort zones in order to grow. Sometimes, as much as it hurts, we have to cause a little rain so the flowers may grow.

Thanks for reading. xo

Empaths- a little on self identity and relationships

Who the hell am I? Anyone know? LOL.

I have been trying to figure this out for a very long time. I’m a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister and all of those help to mold me…but without all of that….who am I? Being an empath, being around others and sucking in others energies for so long…I forgot what makes me tick…what makes me, me and finding those things in the world that make me happy. Now don’t get me wrong, my kids are my everything, the make me extremely happy although sometimes being a parent can be challenging. Being a wife can also be very challenging as well. My husband (Scorpio) have been together for 15 years. I love him dearly too but since we are both water signs and emotions can be pretty extreme sometimes, we make it work. I’m not saying my marriage is perfect by any means but we are trying to find a balance through it all. Before I really realized all this empath stuff, I knew that I require a lot of down time to myself. I can not be around noise or people constantly or I will be a cranky, jerky girl. LOL. Before he would take offense to that, if I would disappear and go hang out in the bedroom to recharge. He is finally understanding my needs and honoring what I need. I require downtime/alone time daily to recharge. Hands down. I need this. Before I would get guilted if I did that. Now he honors and respects what I need and I so appreciate my husband allowing me to now do this.

Back to self identity, being an empath, putting others needs as ease and forgetting about my needs for so many years. I’m not sure if you would really label that as an empath or a healer, which I am both. I dabble a bit in palmistry. If you have a bunch of vertical lines under your pinky finger, your dominant hand, chances are you are a healer. That’s not the only sign of being one but just wanted to share that little fun fact. Hey, ya learn something new everyday. LOL. Another sign would be a great need to want to help people, animals, the planet, etc. So here I am, wanting to save everyone but have my own healing to do but that’s me, always putting others before myself. Does it make sense that I dont know what makes me super happy since I have been paying attention to everyone elses needs but mine for so many years? Yes, it totally does. I am working on it. Thank you for letting me share my stories with you. They say journaling is a great way for self expression.

Besides family stuff here are a few things that make me happy:

Sunshine

Warm temperatures

The beach, pool, bathtub. (This crabby needs her water)

Beautiful scenery

Hikes

Waterfalls

Traveling

Cooking

Animals

Softball, Basketball, maybe even running LOL

Psychic stuff, astrology, numerology, higher learning, spiritual stuffs.

Stay tuned for more stuff I hope to add as I am finding myself after almost 39 years. What makes you thrive? Thanks for reading. Have a beautiful day! Xo